“Mom, how will we take our bikes on the airplane,” asks Will.

“We can’t,” I answer.  ”We can send some stuff on a boat, but other things we will just buy new there.”

“But what if some of our stuff falls off the boat?”

“They’ll put it in a place where it can’t fall off.”

“Will they put all the stuff where it can’t fall off Mom?”

“Yes, all the stuff will be where it can’t fall off.”

Seth pipes up in his special monotone list-making voice:  ”like boxes, toys, toy airplanes . . .”  He trails off into silence, apparently these are the only three things he can think of.

“And crayons.”  Will helpfully adds.

“We don’t need to take crayons.  We can buy crayons in Germany.  We will not take a whole lot of things, just some special things.”  I say.

“Like some extra-special paper airplanes?” suggests Will.  ”We could take those right?”

“Or you could take your paper airplane making book and make new ones when you are there.”  I say.

“Oh yeah,” agrees Will.  ”Then I can show them.”

“What is something very special you would like to take?” I ask.

“Special glue?”  suggests Seth.  ”So we can glue things.”

“We can buy glue in Germany too.”  I decide they  need some help determining what is special enough to take, so I hold up Seth’s special lovey toy, which happens to be on the seat next to me.  ”Like this Seth.  This is your special squiggles.  You can take that to Germany.”

Now Seth has something special all his own, but Will doesn’t.  I help him by asking him a thought-provoking question:  ”Out of all the things you have Will, what is your very favorite thing to play with?”

“Not my bean bag, you can’t take my bean bag,” shouts Seth.  (He is referring to a handmade bean bag he got for Christmas from Nana.  It’s been the cause of several run-ins lately between the two of them.)

“It’s ok Seth.  You can take your bean bag,” I jump in before Will can get upset.  ”Go ahead Will, what is the one thing you like to play with the most?”

Will is still thinking, Seth tries to help: “Special squiggles?”

“No, Seth!  I don’t have a special squiggles!”

“Special toy?”

“Seth!”  Will is getting frustrated now.  I seriously don’t know if Seth is trying to be helpful at this point or just annoying.

“Seth, let Will think of his own thing,” I say.

“Well,” Will says, “I like to play with my pretend sword.”  (This, by the way, happens to be a stick, whichever stick he happens to find and make use of on any given day.)

“You know, they have sticks in Germany too.  Maybe even better ones, because we’ll live close to the woods.”

I think Will is about to argue this point, but he changes the subject.  ”Do they have bears living in the woods?”

We decided to take a little break to enjoy the creek with bare feet.  After a few minutes of play, including Seth slipping and falling in the water, I realized we had better hurry back if I was going to have an hour to cook some beans for supper.  Will and Elise took off on their bikes while I loaded Seth back into the trailer.  Several feet down the trail I met Will whose bike had finally decided to give out entirely.  The pedals would no longer turn at all.  Will wasn’t very upset by this, but I knew it was going to be a long way back on foot.  We experimented with some ideas of how to get him and the bike back without him having to walk it the whole way.  In the end, we ended up cramming the bike into the trailer next to Seth and alternately letting Will run and walk back, with some breaks riding on my bike while I pushed.

It wasn’t what I had planned and probably multiplied the time needed to get back by quite a bit.  But we did get to see some baby ducklings we might have missed if we hadn’t been going so slow.  When we got home, it was much too late to start a pot of beans.  Usually in times like these I get frustrated and decide to order something to eat, because it is easier and I feel like I deserve it since my day hasn’t gone as planned.  And though I don’t think this is always an unwise choice, I do realize that it would be good for me to develop the skill to cheerfully and creatively make supper anyway.  And so that is what I decided to do.  It is nice that since I knew we were sticking to rice and beans, I had a framework to be creative in.  I grabbed a leek out of the refrigerator and chopped it up.  After sauteeing in butter for awhile, I added the leftover plain white rice from lunch and three eggs.  After the eggs had cooked, I added a splash of soy sauce and ended up with something halfway between scrambled eggs and fried rice.  Turns out everyone loved it.  We ended the meal with rice pudding I had made earlier in the day.

When I first told Elise what we would be doing this month, she was less than thrilled.  Many tears were shed as she tried to wrap her mind around eating two meals a day based on just these two things.  Now granted, we do add other stuff to our beans and rice, and maybe she didn’t realize that beforehand.  I am trying to stay away from meat and too many expensive additives, since I really do want to see how much of my budget I can send off to help others this month.  The first meal on March 1st, Elise woke to me making some sweet brown rice for breakfast.  ”I thought we weren’t doing beans and rice for breakfast?” she asked with a worried expression on her face.  ”Well, not always, but today we are.”  Elise didn’t eat much breakfast that day.  The boys loved it.  In later meals, the roles switched as Elise found she loved the other recipes I tried that day.  She ended her day by eating 5 bowls of lentil stew!  The boys, on the other hand, decided the bean recipes were not as thrilling as a bowl of rice with milk and sugar.  They picked and complained over their bowls.  But even Will has a small grasp of what we are doing.  He shares with anyone who is willing to listen that:  ”Guess what?  We are only eating rice and beans every day this week.”  (He doesn’t quite have the concept of a whole month.)  Seth either has a very short memory, or is clinging to the slim hope that I might forget, because every meal he still asks what we are having to eat.  And every time I tell him yet again that we are having “beans and rice,” he groans and says,  ”Me don’t like beans.”

I am hoping that as we continue this it might help each of my kids stretch and grow just a little bit.  For Elise, I hope that she does start to develop a heart for those who have less, and perhaps start to see how she can make choices that impact others positively.  For Will, I hope that his excitement over the uniqueness of this experiment will turn into excitement for helping other people around the world and in our community.  For Seth, I am just hoping that maybe he will learn to eat beans without me having to physically put the spoon into his mouth.

As for me, after just 5 days, I have had to face the fact that I use food (especially deserts) a lot as a stress reliever.  I’m realizing how I need to replace that craving for something to eat with a craving to follow after God and rely on him to meet my needs.  I’m still grappling with this, but the first step towards change is to have our eyes opened to the need.

I can only imagine what it would be like to add you to our crazy life.  What your place would be.  What you would look like, what you would say.  I don’t think about it often, and when I do, it hurts.  Because the reality is that you never even got to see a Spring.

Although, how can I compare Spring on earth with the perfect season of heaven.  I know, that no matter what you  missed here on earth, you have more than I can ever imagine in heaven.  I know that no matter how many days we live without you here, there will be more than I can number with you later.

I love you Emma.

The kids all were declared healthy and whole by the doctor.  All of them had a great time, as they giggled while the doctor poked and prodded their stomachs, declared how big they were to the nurse, and stood tall and still to get their measurements taken.  Seth was last for everything, so most of the time he was jumping up and down shouting:  ”My turn?  My turn?”  Will, my introvert, would not for the life of him make any sound no matter how the doctor encouraged him to say “ah.”  After a few encouraging attempts by the doctor, Seth, who has been watching, impatiently waiting for his turn, tries to be helpful and said it for him.  The visit ended poorly for Will, because we made the unfortunate discovery that he was due for a round of vaccinations.  Three shots and a few tears later, the appointment was over.

Once home with their height and weight in hand, I decided to look up what their percentiles are currently.  I know these growth charts aren’t really that big of a deal, but I get a kick out of knowing where my kids are on the chart.  I had already noticed that the difference in size between Will and Elise is a lot less than the difference between Seth and Will, even though Seth and Will are 16 months apart and Will and Elise are 4 1/2 years.  So I looked them up by turn.  Seth is smack dab at 50% for both height and weight.  Elise is still hovering around 5% for both height and weight.  And Will tops the chart at 95% for height and 80% for weight.

In other news, Arkansas weather has been incredibly mild this winter.  We had one good snow this week, but the weather has already gotten back up to the 50′s.  It’s often been in the 60′s all winter long, and we have been enjoying the chance to get outside frequently.  Since we moved back into town, I have been enjoying getting out with the kids on their bikes as we have lots of options for bike rides around here.  Here are some pictures of one of our recent outings to the park.

I really wasn’t excited about this move when we first started talking about it.  I liked the idea of being back in town, having access to biking and walking trails, and being a short walk or drive away from most of my friends and family.  But it meant giving up the chickens, the goats, and the cats a lot sooner than I had expected to.  It means saying good-bye to two cute little goats who’ve squirmed their way into my heart.  It means saying good-bye to a cat who has been my companion since before I had kids.  And it means giving up some of my dreams (at least for now), good-bye to fresh goat milk and farm eggs.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a sentimental person.   I cling to things that bring me memories and good feelings.  God has worked with me on that in the past, and I am realizing that this move, and more importantly the bigger one coming up, will hurt a lot if I don’t hold these things loosely.  Because if he has to tear them from me, it is going to mean wounds that will have to heal.  But if I hold them loosely, give them up willingly, I know I will begin to feel free.

I’ve purged a lot of things this last week.  There were things I’ve gotten rid of that I had refused to let go of in the past.  But when I was faced with storing these things for years to come vs shipping them in expensive packages over the ocean, it has made me think more carefully about what I am keeping and why I am keeping it.  Really, some of these things are pretty silly.  I think it’s funny the things Elise will hold on to, because I know they will be meaningless to her in 2 or 3 years.  But at the same time I do the exact same thing.  There was a large Chemistry and Physics resource book that has been on my shelf since my freshman year at JBU.  It was awarded to me for “outstanding scholastic achievement in Freshman Chemistry.”  This book was huge, and John has given me a hard time about it every time we’ve moved it.  ”Have you ever even opened it?” he’d ask.  ”Yes.  Once, I think.”  This last time it ended up in our new house and John didn’t even mention it.  I was sorting through books, trying to fit everything we’d had on a bookshelf and a half onto one bookshelf because I didn’t really want to squeeze another bookshelf into our new home.  I picked up the book and I took a good long look at it.  I opened it to the first page and read through the certificate pasted onto it, and smiled.  I am still proud of that achievement.  I called Elise over and read it to her.  ”Pretty cool, huh?”  I asked.  I’m not sure she was that impressed, but she knew I was proud of it.  ”Why am I keeping this book?”  I wondered to myself.  When I was truly honest with myself I had to admit it was just because of pride.  It looked impressive on my shelf, it reminded me of how I had stood out in my class, and it made me feel good because of man’s praise.  But that isn’t what I’m supposed to be living for.  It really isn’t that important that I got good grades in college.  Especially if I was doing it to win favor from man and not from God.  And so I closed the book, took one last look at it and placed it in the box of give-aways.  It’s gone now, sitting on a shelf somewhere at the thrift store, or perhaps more likely, sitting in a trash can outside because really, who wants to buy a huge chemistry/physics resource book?

I even got rid of some of the things I’d tucked away in Emma’s box of things.  As we were sorting through the box, and I was taking out piles of medical reports, letters, and other papers I had kept, Elise asked me why I had kept it all.  ”Well, I didn’t really want to get rid of anything that was connected to Emma back then,” I said.  ”But now, some of these things don’t seem as important anymore.”  I think that is how it is with a lot of things.  Now if I could just fast forward to the part where it doesn’t mean that much anymore, so I could get rid of everything that I need to now.  :)

Our vision trip to Europe provided us with the clarity we were searching for.  I was so thankful that God made his plan for us clear, so that we came back knowing what our next steps were.  We are excited about what our roles will be in the ministry of TeachBeyond in Kandern, Germany, and we are also confident that our family will fit well into the lifestyle of Southwest Germany.

After our official acceptance, we enrolled in an online training class given by Kingdom Come Training.  This class was three weeks long and was excellent in preparing our minds and hearts for the next step in our ministry – partnership development.  It is obvious that we can’t follow God’s leading and head to Germany on our own.  And though God could obviously choose to miraculously provide the funds needed for us to go, he chooses instead to work through his people.  It’s not really about finances.  Sure, we need money in order to go, but the physical act of giving to the work of God brings blessings and growth to those who give.  The fact that we will be partnering with others in this work means we aren’t “going it alone” and have a base of emotional and prayer support as well as financial.  And above all, God is glorified.

We graduated from our class this last week and had our first partnership meetings this weekend.  We look forward to getting together with many of you in the future to share our vision and goals and invite you to partner with us financially on this adventure.

Our goal is to be ready and able to go by mid to late summer this year.  Please pray with us as we move forward.  A lot of things have to fall into place before we can go, and we know it will be all up to God to make those things happen.

Once in Malaga, we were picked up and brought to the guest apartment. It’s been nice to be able to settle into our own apartment this week. Please forgive any missing details in our description of our time here, as the sensitive nature of some of the mission work here means there are many things we can’t say.

Sunday morning we attended a Spanish church with one of the couples who work here. It was a unique experience as we rode there by bus, the church itself having no parking. It was located right in the middle of a city block, sandwiched between shops. Not at all the type of church I am used to. We were welcomed enthusiastically by the congregation and were very thoroughly hugged and kissed when all was said and done. In Spain you greet people with a kiss on each cheek. I was thankful for my experience with Latin American friends so that this practice was not too completely foreign to me. Our measly amount of Spanish was not enough to help us follow along with the service, but one of the congregation offered to sit by us and translate, which was wonderful. I found the worship of this small city church to be authentic and open, and enjoyed the time we spent there.

After a wonderful meal served by our hosts for the day, we headed back downtown where we explored the castle ruins, saw the spectacular Chrismas lights of Malaga, viewed an elaborately detailed nativity scene (quite popular here) at City Hall, and ate paella at a street cafe.

The next morning we joined the mission staff at their daily prayer time. We have been encouraged to see the emphasis on regular prayer together, and the family atmosphere makes this a very comfortable place. We were given a tour of the mission grounds after prayer time, and were able to talk with several people about their projects and work. It is wonderful to see how God is working through these people. Monday afternoon I was invited to go along with a couple of ladies on a shopping trip downtown. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing what a city this size has to offer.

The culture of Spain is quite different than what we are used to. For one thing the schedule is shifted later. The work day tends to start late here. Lunch is usually about 2 pm and is the largest meal of the day. Many people have off 2-3 hours in the afternoon and many shops are closed for siesta. Tapas (small snacks) are popular after the work day (around 7 pm). The last meal of the day is often not eaten until about 9 pm. It has taken some getting used to, and for the first few days we found ourselves eating quite often to get through the day.

Tuesday we met with the director and his wife. We heard a short history on the mission and the ministry here. It was a great conversation. In the afternoon and evening John and I enjoyed a date night complete with a walk on the mediterranean beach, sunset views of Malaga from the top of the castle, and pizza at a street cafe.

On Wednesday morning I tagged along to a street market with some of the ladies, while John spent some time working on a computer project. In the afternoon, while John continued to work, I joined the ladies and kids at their weekly kids club. This is for all the missionary kids at the mission here to have a time to spend together. Some of them are homeschooled and some are in the Spanish education system, but they all get along quite well. I had some very encouraging talks with some of the ladies. I have met several women on this trip that will always stand out to me as examples of godly women embracing their call in life. I was also able to help in putting up some Christmas decorations, which was nice, as I don’t have the skills to contribute in the same way John is able to.

Thursday we spent most of the day with the director and his wife in Mijas, a town on top of a mountain near here. The views were spectacular and John enjoyed returning to a restaurant he remembered from his time here 10 years ago. As we were doing some Christmas shopping in the town we enjoyed watching the town put up their Christmas tree. It was completely made of recycled plastic bottles. They had cut and painted them to look like flowers and spirals and then fastened them to a net structure. It was bright pink and blue and green, so quite a different look than you’d expect, but really fun and cheerful.

We had planned on taking a day trip Friday, but we were both feeling tired, so we didn’t do much most of the day. In the evening we went back out to wander around town and do a little more shopping. Today, we’ve also spent our time resting, knowing that the travel day tomorrow will be long and that Monday morning, bright and early, our usual life will start up again. This week has been harder for me as I have been missing the kids. I’m really looking forward to giving them great big hugs and kisses tomorrow evening.

Thanks for all your prayers during this time, and as we continue to reflect, consider, and pray about the future.

This southwestern Black Forest area of Germany is beautiful hilly countryside dotted with tiny villages. The houses and shops are all crowded together in the valleys and partway up the hillsides, and then surrounded by wide open fields and evergreen forests. Walking paths are everywhere — through the villages, into the fields and woods, and (if you go far enough) on to other villages. They even have signposts on the footpaths with distances marked to nearby or far villages and cities. If you had the time you could walk pretty much anywhere.

We didn’t do much on Saturday beyond tagging along to the grocery store. I am told that buying processed or ready-made foods is much more expensive here, but that basic ingredients are cheaper (though also available by season instead of year-round). That’s exciting to me since I have found in Arkansas it is often expensive to cook from scratch.

Sunday we headed to church. Bells were ringing through the valley as we left the house. It was beautiful. We went with the Greathouses to the BFCA church, which is in English. The service was great, very similar to home. We met some people, though I can’t remember the names and then were taken to Riedlingen, a nearby village, to eat lunch with two more couples from Northwest Arkansas that work for the international Christian boarding school here called Black Forest Academy (BFA). We had a wonderful visit, including an afternoon walk, which is traditional in Germany on Sundays. That night we joined the Greathouses at a party up on top of the mountain, where we met many more people. We had many conversations about transitioning and living in Germany, especially with kids.

On Monday we decided to lug the big camera around as we got a tour of BFA, the bilingual elementary school, the Janz Team office, and one of the dorms for BFA. We even got to peak into a German Kindergarten. Chris and Jenny took us out to lunch at one of their favorite restaurants. It was Turkish food and very good. Then we spent the afternoon in meetings with Teach Beyond staff. We got more pictures as we walked home through Kandern. It is hard to describe how absolutely picturesque it is here, even in November. I don’t even feel like the pictures do it justice. We hear that the grass stays green all year, even though it gets about as cold as Arkansas in the winter. It’s not as hot in the summer, so it’s probably a different more cold-resistant variety.

Tuesday, John and I ventured out on our own to order coffee (or Kaffee in German) and pastries at the bakery. It’s a bit overwhelming to me to be asked something in German and have absolutely no understanding of the words or how to say I don’t understand. I think after this trip, Spain might feel much more comfortable, just because I have a rudimentary knowledge of the language. We survived, and I even found my way back to the Greathouses’ house in order to tag along with Jenny on a shopping trip, while John was in some technical media meetings. Jenny and I drove to Lörrach, which she described as the Springdale of Kandern. We were checking out a fabric outlet store to look for some fabric for Jenny’s mom that we could take back to her in the states. We couldn’t find the fabric, but we had a good conversation anyway. She also took me to the grocery store that she commonly shops at here in Kandern. It looked and felt very like Aldi’s in the US, down to buying or bringing your own bags (which is common practice here). There were some differences in products, but most looked the same, just with German labels.

In the afternoon, I met back up with John so we could observe a Skype meeting between TeachBeyond and a school in Indonesia. John and I have both found our vision and excitement for what TeachBeyond is doing globally growing, and this meeting increased that. Then we were able to meet with the lady in charge of PR with Janz Team (the precursor to TeachBeyond, and now the German music ministry division) to finish off our meetings. We were invited to share supper with one of the girl dorms. It was crazy and loud, but fun.

Wednesday we visited the bilingual school again to observe a math class taught in German. Elise would attend this school if we came next year, so we had lots of questions about how the bilingual part worked, and how hard it would be for Elise to jump in at 4th grade. We met with a teacher, who was very helpful in answering our questions.

We tagged along with Jenny to France to check two more fabric stores. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find what Jenny was looking for, but John and I got to experience a little of France, including some fancy French pastries, which were available in the sporting goods store of all places.

Yesterday (Thursday) we visited Basel, Switzerland on a sight-seeing day. This is a city of about 1 million people about 30 minutes to the south (45 by bus) with museums, a zoo, and plenty of bigger-city shopping like Ikea. It was a great time to relax and walk, and we were able to experience a Christmas Market (sort of like an outdoor craft show).

Our time here has been amazing so far. The countryside is beautiful and beckons us to stay and see what all the different seasons bring to the picture. The Germans we’ve met have been friendly and kind. Their culture of Old Europe inspires me in many ways.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us during this time. We’ll be here until tomorrow exploring the area and then we’ll be off to the Mediterranean.

The only question we have left is where. Where do we go to follow this call? What do we do? It seemed obvious to start by looking at John’s skills and the needs he can fill. After just a little bit of looking, we found that John’s skills are highly valued on the mission field, something that seems to have changed in the 10 years since we last contacted a mission agency about involvement.

In two weeks time we will be hopping a plane to go get a first hand look at two of these opportunities. The first is with TeachBeyond in Kandern, Germany. TeachBeyond uses education to support missionary efforts around the world, and to reach traditionally-inacccesible populations with the gospel. They are looking for someone with both the technical skills and vision to tell their story through design, video and websites. The second is with Avant Ministries in Spain, where John could help with web and video work in an established team that is using the internet in evangelism and discipleship. This will be his second exposure to Avant’s work in Spain, as he was on a university missions trip there ten years ago.

Please pray for us as we take this trip, that in our first hand explorations we would be able to determine if one of these opportunities is a good fit for our family. Please pray for safety and health and energy so that we can get the most out of our time. Also please pray for both these ministries as they devote a little bit of their time to help us explore their world.